I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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