Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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