btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
