The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
