Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
