Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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