does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
did i walk over a car last night?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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