Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
