You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
