It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize