So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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