Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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