I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
