well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
