all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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