***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
