I don't usually arrange sex via text message
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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