my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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