I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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