when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
