Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
