i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
