oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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