He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
