i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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