It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
