i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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