Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
