I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
