You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
