You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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