areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
