whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
