we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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