just come out here and I will go home with you...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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