cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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