I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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