Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize