Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hippo gnu deer
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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