i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize