I accidentally had phone sex last night
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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