I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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