My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
