I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
