READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i now understand why vodka
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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