Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
