You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
where are my eyebrows?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
