the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
