i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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