I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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