Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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