there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
