I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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