She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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