The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize