I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My feet surprised me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
