hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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