24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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