i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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