is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
