i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
