Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize