Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
