She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
