u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
