yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Boobs are out for the taking
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
