smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
