you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The adults are the big ones right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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