On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
