too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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