And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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