Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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