Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
