He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
