I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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