I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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