I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize