I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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