I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
