Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
