I wanna passion pit in your ass
I could make wine with my vomit
my being single is dangerous.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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