Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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